Where Does it go?

Careless, I am reckless

I'm a wrong-way-travelin'-slowly-unraveling shell of a man

Burnt out, I'm so numb now

That the fire's just an ember way down in the corner of my cold, cold heart

Lord, this time I'll make it right, here at the altar I lay my life

Your kingdom come but my will was done, my heart is broken as I...

Cry, like so many times before

But my eyes are dry before I leave the floor, oh Lord

I try but this time, Jesus, how can I be sure I will not lose my follow through

Between the altar and the door

Here at the altar, oh my world so black and white

How could I ever falter

What You've shown me to be right

I'm trying so hard to stop trying so hard

Just let You be who You are

Lord, who You are in me

Jesus, I'm trying so hard to stop trying so hard

Just let You be who You are

Lord, who You are in me

-Casting Crowns

I have been trying all day long to download the 2nd season of The Tudors...the show about Kind Henry the 8th that I was obsessed with one bored weekend back in the fall. While waiting for the shows to Download I went to lunch and ran some errands with Brad and basically did a lot of nothing... which is a pleasant break from working all day long everyday. During all of the rushing and waiting around my downloads stalled... so I restarted Itunes to try again. When I restarted itunes what started downloading wasn't The Tudors, but Casting Crowns CD The Altar and the Door.... random... I definitely didn't try DLing that CD today and I have restarted my itunes MANY times over the last few days and it has never started DLing the CD. So I just started to listen to some of the songs and they are awesome. I particularly love the song above.... seriously I feel like this ALL of the time. When I am there in the Lord's house or in his word everything is Black and White and I am on fire to be obedient...then I close my Bible and go back to work or I leave his house and go back into my world here in Iraq that is filled with pain, cursing, loneliness, vices, vulgarity, and anger and I am sooo apt to stumble within minutes. I have caught myself slipping up and cursing everyonce in a while which is unlike me. This song is exactly how I have been feeling. I know that I need to stop trying so hard and fighting and just give it all to the Lord...It isn't my battle to fight. He will fight for me!!! Oh Lord I Cry like so many times before...Oh Lord I try but this time Jesus I KNOW I can be sure....cause I am going to let you be who you are in me!!!

Somewhere between the wrong and the right

Somewhere between the darkness and the light

Somewhere between who I was and who You're making me

Somewhere in the middle, You'll find me

Just how close can I get, Lord, to my surrender without losing all control

Fearless warriors in a picket fence, reckless abandon wrapped in common sense

Deep water faith in the shallow end and we are caught in the middle

With eyes wide open to the differences, the God we want and the God who is

But will we trade our dreams for His or are we caught in the middle

Are we caught in the middle

Somewhere between my heart and my hands

Somewhere between my faith and my plans

Somewhere between the safety of the boat and the crashing waves

Somewhere between a whisper and a roar

Somewhere between the altar and the door

Somewhere between contented peace and always wanting more

Somewhere in the middle You'll find me

Just how close can I get, Lord, to my surrender without losing all control

Lord, I feel You in this place and I know You're by my side

Loving me even on these nights when I'm caught in the middle

-Casting Crowns

Gosh... it is sooo crazy how much I really needed to hear this CD. It has really pumped me up. Crazy how the Lord works sometimes...it is weird thinking that He even uses ITunes to talk to us. :) I LOVE IT!!!