I Wouldn't Wanna Be Anywhere Else But Here

I can feel the Lord. He is calling my name louder than I have ever felt before. I just need to make sure that I answer him... I have 5 more days til the beginning of an amazing journey. Actually when I really think about it I have already started the journey. The last week has been amazing. I have seen Our Father EVERYWHERE. I have been desperately and tearfully praying that he would show himself to me and finally give me that peace that I have been missing for the last few weeks. He has definitely shown up and opened my eyes to the major moves that he is making in my life. I have come to realize that there is nothing to fear when the Lord is calling you to do something. Like with the Israelites being called to the Promised Land, when the Lord calls you somewhere he will go before you to prepare the way and will follow behind you in protection.

Yesterday was the first time that I actually thought about what a major move Lara and I are going to be making. Up until this point I haven't really let myself think about the changes that are going to be taking place in my life. As I sat there on a plush Camo recliner in the middle of Bass Pro yesterday afternoon, a twinge of fear caught in my throat. It wasn't fear of dying, leaving family, fear of loneliness, or the fear of forgettting to take something that I really needed. It was the fear of something happening and me not being able to go...and the fear that comes with the realization that when I do actually set foot in the Middle East that will be a confirmation that the Lord has chosen me... out of all people to serve him in a bigger way than I ever thought possible. I struggle with the fear of not being everything I need to be in order for him to use me the way that he wants to. I fear letting my fears hold me back from being obedient and thus missing his call to MY Promised Land.

I know that everything that I am feeling right now is a result of twinges of lack of Faith. I can only pray that My Father in Heaven will help me to approach His throne and lay at His feet the rest of me and the rest of the affections that I hold for the world that I am so desperately holding onto, so that I can develop a Faith that is soo strong that it permeates every single aspect of my life.